You don’t have to finish what you start. If we did finish every little thing that we started, the consequences would be dire. Some of us would be trapped in horrible relationships (some of us are, but don’t confuse stupidity with some kind of strange rule), some of us would be stuck in dead-end jobs (once again, stupidity), and some of us would finish writing their half-arsed e-book.

Yes, that last one was a little too specific wasn’t it? That’s because I’m referring to myself. 6000 words in and I’m hating it. I hate the storyline, I hate the characters, I hate the fact that it has no sense of humour. I hate the fact that it’s mediocre science fiction. I hate my half-finished e-book. The beauty is, I don’t have to finish it. I can abandon it. That’s exactly what I’m going to do. I’m going to toss it to the wind and start a new one. A funny one. With funny stories and arbitrary situations. It will be wonderful.

So, going back to those of us caught in dead-end relationships and other dead-end things. Why? The reality is that when you end something that’s going nowhere, you open up an opportunity to go anywhere. A brand new door is thrown open and you can go anywhere and do anything you want. Pretty intimidating huh? I guess that’s why we sometimes run back to the thing that we hate, because having that kind of freedom is scary.

I tell you what though, if you get that freedom, run with it. Even if it’s a bit scary, just stick with it. That whole story about endless possibilities? It’s true.

“If you go to bed with a demon, don’t expect to wake up with an angel.”

That is what someone said to me the other day. I think it means that people don’t change. When you first hear it, it makes sense. It only takes a few more seconds of thought to realise that it isn’t true at all. People DO change. So why the hell does a saying like that even exist? I know, because someone, somewhere was disappointed by someone else. Well sad times for that wanker, right?

We’ve grown addicted to stupid little sayings that make us feel good inside. I’ll bet that when the person who said that was done saying it, they felt incredibly clever. Feelings are not always an accurate reflection of reality though. You may feel clever, but you may also be the dumbest fuck that ever walked the earth. Your feeling has nothing to do with reality. I think it’s time we threw away our little books filled with quotable quotes. Or, perhaps it’s time we actually read them and analysed the garbage that we’re being fed.

Here’s what I know. Life is chaotic. People are unpredictable. You never know how any situation is going to turn out. Instead of trying to apply some kind of mediocre, bumper-sticker philosophy to your life, just live it. Give people a chance, give situations a chance, go with the moment. Everything around you is dynamic and changing. I know it’s part of the human mindset to try and categorize and put things in boxes, but stop doing that. You’re going to end up living life through a letterbox. Nobody wants that.

Oh, and stop being a worthless sack of shit. Nobody wants that either.

Ah, my pretties, I have been ignoring you haven’t I? I apologize, I’ve just been awfully busy, emphasis on the word awfully. I have very little to show for all my busy-ness. There are no wondrous works of creativity, no rhymes or words of wisdom, just the utterly ball-aching mundane work that comes with existence.

I am lying through my teeth of course. I’ve spent the last week or two thinking of some rather brilliant ways to improve my existence and I’ve even started implementing some of these ideas (with a little help from my friends). I still feel like I am neglecting a very important aspect of my life though. I know this because while I should feel absolutely and entirely satisfied and happy, I do not. I feel itchy on the inside. It is a bit bothersome. What to do? Take stock? Be grateful? I have, I am. Be positive? I try.

Sometimes, trying is all you have. Trying and failing. I fail far more times than I succeed. I fail to be good. I let people down, I hurt the people I care about. All I ask is that people bare with me, because I’m trying. When I fail, it is because I tried, not because I sat in a corner being pathetic.

Why keep trying? Because it’s really all I have, my attempts. If I stop, I’ll get bored and throw myself off a cliff. That’s the truth. You can paint a thousand pictures, write a thousand stories, but the only real masterpiece worth spending any time on is yourself. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, pull your head out of your ass and do something.

As for my itchy insides, I’ll have to try and figure out what that’s all about. How interesting.

Right, are you sitting down? Take a deep breath. Think about the last three times you’ve been truly happy in the last three months. Not content, not fairly alright, I’m talking about the little moments where you’ve been absolutely and completely happy. Right, got it? What were you doing? Write that down. Are you doing that thing every day? If you’re not, ask yourself why. Why can’t you? List the reasons. Are they good ones? Cross off any reasons to do with money. Cross of any reasons to do with education. What’s left? If there’s nothing left, there should be nothing stopping you. Money? That just needs you to think strategically. Learning? That just needs you to buckle down and study. Is it time? If you were truly happy doing that one thing, then stop doing something else that makes you unhappy and do that one thing more. So what is really holding you back? Are you scared? Scared of failure? Bad news: you’re failing already. You might as well fail spectacularly. Doing what you’re doing now is a little pathetic isn’t it? Being paralyzed by fear is the worst way to fail. Losing everything because you pursued a passion? The best way to fail. But you won’t fail. It’s what makes you happy. You’ll be good at it.

There are a lot of things in life that you can change. More than you would like to accept. Accepting that you can change your destiny is overwhelming. All the power is yours. Your future lies in your hands. What are you going to do about it? Look at yourself. Forget what others think, forget about the world’s opinion. You are millions of cells all connected together to fulfil an amazing purpose, a purpose that you can decide. Don’t let yourself down. Let go of fear. You are intelligent, you can do this.

Yay, let’s blog about death!

Serious face. I went to watch a stand-up comedy show last night. Really hilarious. They covered the usual stuff: relationships, sex, politics, a bit of religion. But here’s the thing, one guy tried to make death funny. He succeeded, which is a really great accomplishment, but there was a bit of an undercurrent of fear in the audience. The laughter was a little nervous. I still take my hat off to that guy, I didst lol fervently.

Me, I know a bit about death. In the last two years, I’ve buried four friends. Well, I mean, I didn’t bury them. They died and somebody else buried them. It would be weird if I just randomly went around burying my friends, right?

Anyway, the first time someone you’re close to dies, it’s a bit of a shock. You wonder if you’ll ever recover. But time is this weird thing. It makes you forget. Not the person, just the sore part of your heart. The bit that got hurt. Time does heal. But then someone else will go and die and you end up feeling sore all over again. Each time it happens though, the scab gets thicker. I’m a little sad to say that when I was faced with the recent death of a friend I just felt a little melancholy.

So what does this all mean? Well, we’re just here for a little bit. We’re not here forever. I don’t know what happens when we die but I kind of like to think that we get to be close to the people we love. I like to think that we get to watch over them, that we get to share their trials and tribulations. I think that would be a beautiful thing. But like I said, who knows. I’m losing the point a bit here. Um, oh yes. We’re here for only a little bit. So do things. Do a lot of things. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. You don’t get a second go at this. And love, my word, love. Love as much as you can. Don’t be scared of getting broken and hurt, because time, it does heal like I said. Just smash into love like it’s an ice cold swimming pool. If you don’t suffer from some kind of spontaneous heart attack, you’ll be refreshed and you’ll discover it’s fun (as long as you do it right).

Most of all, be good. Be as good as you can, be the best. I think it’s important to make your life count. Make other people’s lives better.

Right, that’s my two cents on life and death and stuff.