What’s with the face?

I’m unemployed. I could pretty it up by saying that I’m a freelancer, but that would be a lie. A freelancer doesn’t have withered up XBox controller shaped hands. A freelancer is productive. I am just a guy killing time until the phone rings. Sometimes I just put the phone on the floor in the middle of the lounge and watch it, semi-crouched, ready to pounce.

Not having much to do, my mind tends to start bending logic.

The other day I was at a cinema. I noticed that there were several unattended fridges filled to the brim with various soft drinks. I realised that I could easily take a drink and walk away, nobody would know. Not a security camera in sight. Of course, I didn’t. I’m not a criminal.

After sitting through thirty minutes of pointless cigarette and alcohol ads, I began to get irritated. I did some calculations and at the hourly rate that I charge, the cinema now owed me twelve free soft drinks. I felt I was being generous because I wasn’t charging for the full hour of my time. I really felt like it would be okay for me to walk out and just take twelve soft drinks. I didn’t because I wasn’t really thirsty, but next time.

But really now, how much of your time have corporates wasted? Add up all the pointless TV commercials you’ve watched. All the magazines you’ve read that are filled with ads instead of good content. Think of all the people that stop you in stores to ask you to try out products. Add it all up. At least ten percent of your life is wasted on force-fed marketing.

So, steal. That’s what I say. Just take back your time in the form of product. It’s not wrong. You’re just forcing them to pay you for your time.

Disclaimer : I will not be be held responsible for any vicious abuse you may have to endure in prison.