Benjamin woke up on the floor in a bedroom. At first he had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there, but those were the least of his concerns. The first thing he noted was the syringe sticking out of his forearm. It was empty, which meant its contents were now swimming happily around in his bloodstream. The second thing he noted was that the entire front of his t-shirt was damp. When he rolled over on to his back to get a better look, he was disturbed to find that the dampness was in fact his own blood. He knew it was his own blood because there was a perfect little hole in his abdomen from which the blood was playfully spurting. Benjamin sighed painfully. Then he heard the voice in the next room. A mournful, mewling voice. Benjamin’s memories began to seep back very slowly. Earlier in the afternoon there had been a knock on his front door. He’d opened it to find a filthy hippy holding a gun. The hippy had shot him and this was the result of that encounter.
Looking around the room, he noticed the bloody trail that disappeared back under the bedroom door. No doubt the hippy was in the living room with his girlfriend. He held his breath so that he could hear better.
“I shot him ‘cos I love you.”
“I know Applelove, be calm. We have to find a way of getting rid of the body now.”
The rest of the conversation was a debate as to whether Benjamin should be chopped up and shipped to China, or buried in the backyard. Benjamin stood up. The exertion of standing caused a rather powerful squirt of blood to dance across the bedroom wall. Benjamin looked in the dressing table mirror.
I look like shit. I’m bleeding everywhere. Of course, it could be worse. I could’ve been shot by some filthy hippy with a fucking stupid name like, oh I don’t know, Applelove. Oh wait.
Benjamin enjoyed his inner dialogue. Even in times of deep distress, it was always light-heartedly sarcastic. It amused him.
What Applelove and Benjamin’s now ex-girlfriend did not know, was that Benjamin was not quite human. Had he been a human, he would’ve died several hours earlier. The syringe had contained a fair quantity of cyanide, the bullet had not been a necessity. Sadly for Applelove and Benjamin’s now ex-girlfriend, Benjamin was a genetically enhanced super soldier. How he had come to live in a small flat in Birmingham with a nymphomaniacal shoplifter is a completely different story.
Benjamin sat at the dresser with a pair of pliers. He lifted his t-shirt and plunged the pliers into the hole in his stomach. He fiddled around, twisting and turning them . Eventually he pulled the pliers free from his belly with a bullet clasped firmly in its jaws. The hole closed up immediately. Benjamin stood up and sighed.
Time to go face Applelove and my dearest girlfriend.
Benjamin wished that he didn’t have to walk through the living room to get to the fridge. He was thirsty and a beer would go down a treat right now. He opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the living room.
“What the fu…..”
Applelove didn’t finish his sentence. Benjamin sprang at him, grabbed him by the throat and with one quick motion, snapped his neck. Applelove collapsed to the floor, dropping the gun. Before the gun landed, Benjamin caught it, turned to his girlfriend and put a bullet between her eyes.
Benjamin spent the rest of the afternoon drinking beer and watching television on the couch.
It’s like old times, except she’s a lot quieter when she’s dead. Who said breaking up is hard?